So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
