She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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