dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
