3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I want to stick my p in your. b.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
