jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
