Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
