When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
