the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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