Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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