I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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