An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
