The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Boobs are out for the taking
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
