I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
