wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
