I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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