Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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