i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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