I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
