The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize