Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
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dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
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Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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