"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
