If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
