Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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