Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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