He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
