I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
