I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize