Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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