Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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