everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
