Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
