in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
