i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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