You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
