you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
