Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
