dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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