what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
