She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
