If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
