Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
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