He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
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Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
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When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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