Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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