drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
