hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
