Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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