I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
