Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
