My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
