I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
