Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
