Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
