Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Randomize
