you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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