Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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