Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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