To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
