Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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