Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
