Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
