i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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