drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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