Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
