the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
