ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize