he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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