It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
