I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
