new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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