I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just pee around me
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
