We won't sleep together?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
