dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
