Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
